We Filled Our Empty Nest LOI 1987-9

Harvey and Ruth Rodger, former missionaries to Colombia, attended Congress Avenue Bible Chapel in Rochester, New York at the time this article was written. Ruth authored it for the Sept. 1987 issue of Letters of Interest.

Intro

I remember that September day well. School had started. But for the first time in 20 years the school bus didn't stop at our house. No new clothes set out. No lunches packed. No soothing of "first-day jitters." No calling out, "Hurry, the bus is coming!"

Our youngest daughter was going

Our youngest daughter had left for college. Suddenly, my "nest" was very quiet. Uncomfortably so. It's not that I had nothing to do, quite the contrary. But there was a different feeling about it. My schedule no longer revolved around soccer practice and play rehearsal, ball games and bus schedules.

I'd been telling myself for sever-al months that I could handle it. After all, I'd always thought of women who experience the "empty nest syndrome" as slightly neurotic types, women with not enough to keep them busy, clingy mothers not willing for children to become independent. But I was neither idle nor neurotic, and I still had that tell-tale lump in my throat, and a growing realization that the door which just slammed shut in our lives would not be reopened.

When you've been a mother for 25 years, mothering becomes a life-style, a habit. It's not an easy habit to break, this "being needed," Then I began to see how a very loving heavenly Father had been preparing me for this shifting of gears and had softened the blow.

This began "by accident"

Over several previous years the Lord began to develop for us a ministry among college students. There are several colleges and universities in our city, and a number of their students found our little chapel. Some came from assembly backgrounds and had looked specifically for an assembly in which to fellowship. They in turn invited others who were trying to find a good church. Some simply stumbled onto us "by accident" (if there are any accidents in God's plan of things).

As they came, just one or two at first, and then gradually more, we invited these students home for dinner — not only for that day, but for whenever they could come after that. For some, a standing invitation to Sunday dinner meant the difference between coming back to the church or not. We also provided transportation for those who needed it, either going ourselves to get them, or having other students or church members do it. The more people involved, the better."

Another couple did it for me

The whole idea of a student ministry had sprung from my own days at nursing school. A young couple from the chapel faithfully picked me up for church every Sunday, took me home for dinner afterwards and saw to it that I was informed of and involved in as many church activities as possible. It meant so much to me, not only because I was away from home for the first time, but also because I was spiritually "fence sitting." The Lord used them to strengthen and encourage me, and steer me on the right path. (Incidentally, they also introduced me to my future husband!)

"Do you ever know who's coming?" a friend once asked in dismay. Not usually. We set the table and prepare food for fourteen. Sometimes new students feel hesitant about coming over every week. Old-timers reassure them we really mean it when we say "standing invitation." Study loads or work schedules may keep some away at times. But unless we know in advance that they won't be coming, we plan on them. We appreciate those from our chapel fellowship who happily accept last-minute invitations to fill in as needed.

We pray about the people who will be with us, and the Holy Spirit works out the details. It took me a while to learn to relax with that. I wanted things "organized," to know who was coming in advance. He's patiently teaching me that I could never plan the guest list as well as He does.

These kids become ours

We've come to regard these kids as our own, sharing their good news and problems, praying them through exams and difficult times, entertaining visiting parents and girlfriends, encouraging them in spiritual things. Our guest room gets plenty of use when dorms are closed or apartments aren't yet ready.

Students don't so much want gourmet meals in an elegant setting as to feel "at home." We never refuse help in getting things ready, and we put all willing hands to work unmolding gelatin salads, mashing potatoes, making gravy or pouring ice water. There's something about helping that gives you a feeling of belonging.

The guitar and piano in the living room invariably tempt someone to play until dinner is ready. In addition, as new students get to know chapel regulars, they feel more comfortable in the church fellowship. After dinner we usually sit around the table for a good time of learning more about each other. Often before we leave the table, my husband, Harvey, prays for each one by name. Then everyone gets involved in cleaning up, putting leftovers away, and straightening up the dining room. (I thank the Lord for a dishwasher which usually does three loads on Sundays).

A few must leave right away to study, but many stay around for several hours, playing games, singing around the piano, watching a favorite sport on TV or just talking. It's a relaxed, happy time for all of us, These young people have enriched our lives so much and brought fresh meaning to the expression "expanded family."

You can do it too!

The comment we most often hear from friends is, "It's great that you can do that, but we never could." It helps if you're an average cook who isn't afraid of making large meals. It also helps if you like young people and aren't uptight about your furniture and dishes.

Our home is neither large nor elegant, just homey. Our china came from an outlet, is plain white and inexpensive. Tablecloths were bought by the yard to accommodate our extra long table, and we hemmed them at home. At around $10 each, we have several tablecloths, and the table takes on a new look with each color change.

Keep it simple but substantial

We try to keep meal plans simple: a roast of some sort, potatoes, gravy, two vegetables, salad, bread and dessert. To keep dinner from being boring, there's one special dish each week: a spectacular dessert, homemade blueberry muffins, molded salads or Yorkshire pudding.

I'm always looking for new large recipes for desserts, salads and new ways to serve vegetables. We stay away from serving casseroles on Sundays— the students get plenty of those during the week. Most of the meal preparation takes place on Friday and Saturday so that I don't get to the worship meeting frazzled. My husband is a tremendous help, setting the table and peeling the potatoes early each Sunday morning.

At first we worried a bit about the strain on the food budget. But the Lord has shown us ways to cut costs. I try to shop for sale items, especially meats. When a favorite cut is on sale we may buy several. We freeze all our own vegetables from our garden and seldom have to buy any. Potatoes come low-priced from a farmer. I'm convinced that the Lord will make it possible to do His work when He knows we're willing.

Afterthoughts

Looking back, I can see I was dreading the week before our youngest daughter would leave for college. With her school 800 miles away, we knew we wouldn't see her again until Christmas. But during that week prior to her leaving, the Lord sent us two "displaced" students to join the family and fill our time and minds, leaving no room for melancholy thoughts. The house bubbled over with music and fun, not dread.

It's been nearly four years now since we started this ministry. A few students have finished their studies, but remain in the area with new jobs. They continue to come to their "home away from home" whenever they can. We've been especially gratified to see the spiritual growth in these young people and watch them take an active part in the church fellowship. We are all richer for that. A few have dropped out and fallen by the wayside spiritually. We grieve over them and pray for them daily, but we know it's not because no one cared.

So, although our children's high school days are done and gone, classes start this week at the area universities. We've been praying that the Lord would send some more of His kids to be "our" kids this year. We can hardly wait to see who's coming!

Sources

• Letters of Interest (LOI): 1987-9